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132 days

That’s how long the new me has been around. I know, because it correlates with my Duolingo streak. Nuevo año, nuevo yo. 

Back in January, I was in the middle of an existential crisis. Over my job, and our finances, and the fixer-upper I thought I would love living in but do not, and the feeling we planted ourselves firmly into the American Nightmare of get back to work, get back to work, get back to work until you die.

I felt overwhelmed, and hopeless, and broke. To quote my five year old “Oh, what lies. What lies.” But it felt real, and I was very sad, and anxious, and at times I thought my family would be better off without me. 

Dark. Dreary. I was down bad. 

But now I’m not.

 

What happened?

I changed my thoughts from negative to positive.

That’s all. Byeeeee. Don’t forget to punch that subscribe button in the mouth.

 

My entire life

I held the self-limiting belief that changing my thoughts wasn’t possible, or necessary. I was who I was. Thoughts didn’t matter as long as I didn’t express them. Wrong. Negative thoughts, like acid, will eat away at your brain and body and soul. And they were eating me alive.

One morning after a breakdown, our oldest daughter asked me, “What does hopeless mean?” ♫ and that made me want to diiiiie ♫

I didn’t know what to do, but I knew what I was doing wasn’t working.

My friend Kristin posted a video on Insta about the amazing things that had happened for her since listening to positive affirmations for just thirty days. I texted her. Girl, get me into that, and out of this swirling vortex of terror.

She introduced me to Abraham Hicks.

 

I am not a religious person

This is not a post about me finding God, or any other deity. I relate more to Santa Claus than I ever have any religious power. Santa doesn’t care what you believe, who you love, or where you were born; just don’t be a dick.

And contrary to popular {cough Christian} belief, it *is* possible to believe in a higher power without judging another human, without trying to convince anyone I’m right, and without condemning anyone to an eternal lake of fire when I feel they’re wrong. Remarkable.

 

My higher power has always been Mother Nature

She is good, she is kind, and she provides everything we could ever need.

Now you can call her whatever you want. Higher power, Universe, Inner Being, The Spirit, God… doesn’t matter, it’s all the same. Because Abraham refers to it so often as the Universe, I’ll call it the Universe too.

And she’s got your back.

Kristin warned me Abraham is a bit weird at first, but no more woowoo than coming back from the dead, or turning my coffee into a margarita. Abraham’s name is actually Esther, and Abraham is the Spirit? Energy? Presence? that communicates through her.

 

 

People on YouTube have taken her seminars and broken them up into digestible 15 minute segments. I listen to her every morning to start me off on the right foot, to get me into what she refers as “the Vortex”, or what I think of as a Tornado of Positivity. Same idea as a vortex, but I’m from Oklahoma, so it’s a tornado.

If you’ve ever been in a Tornado of Negativity, you know exactly what I’m talking about. I spin the same thought around and around and around me, and get more pissed by the second. Not only do I get more pissed, or disgusted, or sad, or anxious over the original thought, but I start looking for other negative things to amplify those feelings even more.

Just like a tornado, I suck them into my mind, and will destroy everything in my path, just so I can justify the negativity in the first place. Nothing, and no one, is safe.

 

It never occurred to me

That I could just spin in the exact opposite direction. I was not raised to look for the positive; I was raised to be a Grade A complainer. It’s taken me forty years to figure this shit out.

What if… instead of burning the house down every time Greg leaves the toilet seat up, I just put the seat down and think to myself “I’m so fortunate to have a loving, handsome husband who cares about my wellbeing. Isn’t life swell?”, and go about my business? It doesn’t make Greg put the seat down, but it makes me not care anymore. At least in theory. I do care, I think it’s disgusting. So I’ll stop thinking about it.

 

I won’t get into all of Abraham’s teachings, but here are a few of my favorite takeaways:

The Universe is based on the law of attraction.

You are the creator of your own reality.

You are what you think about.

Ask and it is given, whether you want it or not.

A belief is just a thought you keep thinking.

If something makes you feel bad to think about, don’t think about it.

Don’t dwell on your past, it doesn’t matter.

Look forward to what you want, to what is coming.

You cannot expect a happy ending to a sad story.

The most important thing is for you to be happy.

 

At the time I found her, I was so stressed about money I couldn’t sleep

Last summer, my employer cut its seasonal positions, and overnight my pay went from $75/hr to $40/hr for the exact. same. job.

I should’ve gone to a different hospital with better pay, but I wanted the employment history so I could keep buying rental houses. That has not happened. I thought the freedom of a PRN (as needed) position sounded great. I could work as much as I wanted, or as little as two shifts per pay period.

In reality, all that happened was I worked twice as hard to make the same amount of money. My nursing income pays all our day to day expenses, and at $40/hr, I would have to average 46 hours a week, every week, all year long, just to pay our bills. That has not happened. Instead, since last August, we’ve been pulling from our savings every month to pay those bills. And I about lost my mind.

 

But look at me now!

I’m not going to talk about it anymore. What’s done is done. Abraham says when you know what you *do* want, you know what you *don’t* want. When you think, or talk, or write about what you don’t want, you draw attention to it over and over and over, which just brings more of it. You are what you think about.

Repeat after me: You are what you think about.

If you’re constantly thinking that you’re poor, you will remain poor. If you think you didn’t get enough sleep, you will feel tired. If you focus on the fact that you’re an alcoholic, you will continue to drink.

Self-limiting beliefs. Self-fulfilling prophecies.

I have a very soft spot for alcoholics, so it’s easy to use as an example. How could you ever stop drinking, if you view yourself as an alcoholic?

What if… instead of thinking about *not drinking*, you focused instead about what life could look like if you were sober?

 

 

It’s so simple. Don’t try to change the negative thought, just think about something positive instead. Don’t try to stop it, just think about something else. Think about what makes you happy, not what makes you anxious, or sad, or angry. When you stop giving something your attention, it ceases to exist.

I said it was simple, I didn’t say it was easy.

 

You can think it’s crazy, or unrealistic, but it has already changed my life

And it continues to change my life every day, every hour, every moment. The moment I choose to stop thinking about this thing I don’t want, and focus on that thing I do want, my life takes a new path.

My job situation hasn’t gotten any better. In fact, I quit my job! I realized I can’t commit to a job that that doesn’t pay our bills, and requires I spend even more time away from the people I love. I let the Universe know I am open to other opportunities, and more money.

And do you know what happened? We didn’t go broke. We didn’t have to sell our house or file bankruptcy. Instead, we received almost $16,000 in unexpected income.

 

True story

The other day, I was sitting in silence in my backyard at 5am, enjoying the morning and the sounds of the birds. A male Northern cardinal flew into a bush near me and started to sing. We don’t often see cardinals in our yard, so they’re always a treat. I greeted him and enjoyed his company as he flew to a different tree and sang, then a different tree and sang. I watched him until he left the yard, then I went inside to finish my morning routine.

Later that day, I was paying our bills and saw our checking account had much more in it that I was expecting. There was a deposit from the Farm Service Agency (FSA) for $10,233.63. I asked Greg about it. Our insurance guy told Greg to sign up for some government farm program, and that’s what it paid us.

Greg didn’t know how much it was going to be, and I had no idea it was coming. Thanks to Greg’s dad signing us up for some other government farm program, we received another FSA check for $5,708.40. Didn’t know about that one either, and don’t even know what either of them are for. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. We’re here for it.

Do you know, those combined deposits are over 3.5x what I “didn’t make” at work this year? Since January, we have pulled $4,359.22 out of savings to cover our expenses. That has been replaced with $15,942.03 I didn’t see coming.

All that stress, all that anxiety, all the crying and sleepless nights.

 

The night of the cardinal, the night we got the $10k, I was reading ‘The Education of Little Tree’ before bed. Little Tree was describing what the bird sign meant around their little cabin in the Smokies. Whippoorwills mean night peace and good dreams. Blue jays mean you are going to have plenty of good times and fun. And I quote: “The red cardinal means you are going to get some money…”

Record screech. I read that line over and over.

That cardinal, flitting about and singing just for me, was there to let me know “We gotchu. We gotchu, girl.”

I cried and cried, only tears of joy this time. It’s so simple. I was open, and it came to me. Now every time I see or hear a cardinal in our yard, I thank him, and jump headfirst into my Tornado of Positivity. Good things are coming, more money and opportunities are coming, we are surrounded by abundance. I’m here. And I’m grateful.

I don’t have another job lined up

In fact, I’m doing the opposite of looking for work; I’m looking for our next vacation.  When I’m living my best life, I’m in my Tornado. I’m asking, I’m open, I’m happy. The Universe will deliver.

 

 

I don’t have it all figured out

I still swing hard sometimes. I still have trouble turning my brain off, and sleeping some nights. But I’m so. much. better. Better and better and better. 

On my hard days, our five year old daughter picks me up, and dusts me off. She tells me “We’re going to be happy today. Take a deep breath and count to four. I’m here to help you feel better.” Greg encourages whatever it takes to make me happy: quitting my job, tearing out our kitchen cabinets, flying to Europe to see Taylor again. 

And our two year old daughter… well… I like to tell Greg that she takes after him, but she definitely inherited my emotions, and outbursts. We’re learning and growing together. I have to be the example that positive thoughts and being happy are not only possible, but are actually all that matter. 

If you’re not happy, change your thoughts. If you’re stressed, or anxious, or angry, think about what you’d rather be instead.

Happy, hopeful, energetic, carefree, frisky, fun, relaxed, calm, patient, peaceful, positive, free, optimistic, confident, eager, cheerful, friendly, content, adventurous, safe, present, bold, thin, sober, rich, healthy, active, loved, loving, worthy, deserving. Boy, isn’t this fun? Isn’t it so much better than the alternative?

 

You don’t have to drink the Kool-Aid

I’m not asking you to eat a live chicken. You won’t burn in hell if you don’t try it, or if you do. You don’t have to listen to Abraham. It’s no skin off my nuts if you don’t believe me.

I’m just telling you it worked for me, and it might just work for you.

It’s free, and it certainly can’t hurt.

 

A shining example of Abraham’s message

 

 

Resources

Money, and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Wealth, Health, and Happiness by Esther and Jerry Hicks

‘Abraham-Hicks Publications’ YouTube channel

‘Channel 11:11’ YouTube channel

‘Abraham Hicks Library’ YouTube channel

 

Think positive, Frank.